roadside realizations

people tend to lend me books at the exact moment that i need to receive them. even if i resist at first, there is usually some small pearl of wisdom that cuts down the centre of things and makes complete sense. a few weeks ago a student lent me a zen book which was written around that idea that 'everything that happens to me is for my maximum benefit'. this sentence seems to appropriately sum up my experience of being here in trinidad.

when i arrived, i didn't realize that i had come with a small armload of expectations. remember the story about riding the bike and enjoying island life? i told this story to students before the start of class the other day. they had a good laugh at my naive idea of life in trinidad. i told them that it was only when i was able to let go of what i wanted this time to be that i was really able to reap the benefits of what the past few months have had to offer, and what i have been offered is so much.

i was remembering the ginger soup story from taiwan... one day a student drove me and some friends up into the mountains to explore. we spent the day taking photos of temples, bathing in the hotsprings, enjoying the cooler temperatures of the higher altitudes. by the end of the day, though, i was exhausted, and the student that took us was not ready to go home. she loves to eat, and insisted that we stop one more time at a roadside restaurant before heading home. as we ordered and got our food, i was off on a tangent in my head thinking about how much i wanted to go back to my apartment, how exhausted i was. i looked over at my friend hoping for a little empathetic exchange of looks, but found her looking quite happy with a huge smile spread across her face. she looked at me and said brightly, "we're in the mountains eating ginger soup!" as if life didn't get much better.
and it doesn't.

i had a moment like this yesterday but trini-style... a few new friends and i drove south to pitch lake, got lost trying to find a hindu temple (which we happened to find just as the sun was setting and got to sit on a bench listening to the sea lap up against the rocks just below)... after looking around for a roti stand, and discovering that this is near impossible on a sunday in the countryside, we stumbed upon an outdoor restaurant just off the side of the highway. as we sat down with cardboad boxes filled with jerk chicken and garlic bread, and bottles of orange busta, this time i didn't forget to not take the moment for granted.

just a little while left in this country, and after a fair amount of struggle, i have let go and fallen in love.